Part of my ASD diagnosis is problems with executive function. Executive function is kind of hard to define but basically it’s the cognitive processes that help us regulate, control and manage our thoughts and actions. It includes planning, working memory, attention, problem solving, verbal reasoning, inhibition, cognitive flexibility, initiation of actions and monitoring of actions. People with executive function problems often have some areas which are worse than others, and the level of competency can vary from day to day depending on sensory and cognitive load from other things.
Executive function encompasses nearly every area of our lives. Work, managing a household, socialising, parenting, self care. So having executive function problems translates into problems with the tasks of daily living.
For me executive function looks like: I know the dishes need to be done. I want to do them. I want the kitchen to be clean and I don’t mind doing the task but I have trouble with task initiation. When I manage to stop what ever else I am doing and walk into the kitchen I notice the bench has a whole lot of things that don’t belong in the kitchen and some things need to be put away. I pick up Miss G’s hair ties and bobby pins from the bench and walk to the bathroom. I remember I haven’t brushed my teeth so I do that. I look out the window and think about what we are doing today and realise I need to put sunscreen on. I open the cupboard and it’s messy. I sort a few things and can’t find the sunscreen. I go off to ask G where it is and she doesn’t know either. The two of us look for the sunscreen and she finds wet togs. I take them to the laundry and decide to put washing on. While I’m there I notice there’s cardboard that needs to go in the recycling. I take that outside and notice the grass needs mowing. I open the shed to check on the petrol for the mower and there’s some seeds we were going to put in pots. I take out the seed packets and go inside to talk to G about planting the seeds….
Several hours can go past like this and not only have I not done the dishes but I didn’t find the sunscreen (usually that means I’ll have forgotten about it and we’ll go out, only for me to remember I was looking for it and never found it and neither of us have any on), or actually get anything achieved. The bench is still messy, the bathroom cupboard is still messy, the lawns aren’t done, I didn’t check on the petrol etc etc
This is incredibly frustrating for me. I have to put so much effort into focusing on one task at a time and holding that one task upper most in my mind. Not only do I have to ignore all the other things I come across that need doing, but I either need to write them down which often creates a massive overwhelming list, or be content with them not being done. Because the minute I walk away the chances of me forgetting the next thing to do are about 85%. And putting all the things on a list makes me so overwhelmed that I have trouble planning which task to do first and I feel overloaded by how much needs to be done and how much effort that takes.
Executive dysfunction for me can also look like:
– lack of awareness of one’s surroundings (it can get cold/dark and I will not notice if I am focused on doing something)
– easily distracted
– easily bored
– starting a lot of projects but never finishing them
– difficulty stopping one task and starting another
– difficulty changing routine
– forgetting verbal instructions
– losing objects frequently
– needing things repeated frequently
– interrupting others
– impulsive behaviour
– difficulty controling emotions
– easily frustrated and overwhelmed
– difficulty with planning and problem solving
– disorganisation
– poor time management
– procrastination
(credit to Lilo the Austistic Queer for a series of tweets this list is based on)
Miss G (who also has an ASD diagnosis) has executive dysfunction as well. We have slightly different areas where we are better or worse but both of us are terrible with organisation and planning. With school stuff this might look like her leaving notices at school, or her forgetting to give me school notices, me forgetting to ask or check her bag, me receiving them and then losing them, or forgetting to fill them out, pay and or send them back with her, her forgetting to take the notice back, or give me any reminders. And that’s only school notices!
Even this morning’s post is a perfect example of my poor executive function skills. I got up early to put washing on and do housework before being picked up by a friend. I put the washing on and got in the shower. In the shower I started thinking about executive dysfunction and when I got out I looked for two facebook posts I’d seen previously about it. I sat down and started writing. The washing finished but I haven’t got up to hang it out and put the next lot in. Nor have I stopped to eat breakfast (and it’s now 2 hours since I got up). I have been hyper focusing on executive function and writing for over an hour. My friend will be here soon and I’m not ready, nor have I done any of the housework I planned to do. This is what happens to me on a regular basis.
My life is chaotic. Partly because I am a solo parent who works full time, who happens to have both a developmental diagnosis and two mental illnesses, with a child who has multiple diagnoses. Partly because I struggle with executive function as part of my ASD diagnosis which means I am often forgetful, disorganised, and struggle with daily tasks. And partly because I am one of those people who if something can go wrong it will happen to me. I just don’t seem to be able to keep a handle on everything that’s happening in my life. This makes the tasks of daily living a real challenge for me, and I live in a near constant state of overwhelm, meaning the next little thing that happens can push me into full ASD/BPD meltdown.
I have more to say on this topic but I’ve run out of coherent thought so until next time.
Ka Kite
ASD, BPD and Me 